Tuesday, January 22, 2008

10 things that are just so...

I love posts with lists. So here goes:

  1. Signals: These three-eyed creatures lurk at signals masquerading as innocent bystanders. Come an emergency, and these evil devils spring into action changing colours like nobodys business. Here, you are tapping your foot, scratching your balls, making sweat stains on your shirt and expressing other signs of impatience, and all they do is sneakily stand there, changing to green only when the ozone is a thing of the past.
  2. Hair: Just when you think all the money you spent at that gay hairdresser's was worth it, these volatile strings will erupt into a furious dance. And purely to spite you, engage in a mating sequence with your lip gloss. That is if it isnt burnt, breaking up with other strands and generally being a nuisance to your peace.
  3. Popcorn: Now, whats a movie without it? And what's a post-movie fingering in your mouth without it? These dowdy pieces will nestle in a godforsaken part of the tooth, indulging in therapy, soaking in saliva and disgestive enzymes. We will, for piece of mind and jaw, jab at the tooth till we wince, open our mouth till people retch at the look of our intestines and our eyes start shedding copious tears.
  4. Internet: I am not even going to give it the pleasure of finding a long-winding rant about itself. Bet its a sadistic and gloats at its mention.
  5. Bum Itch: As he leans in to kiss you, you shift shyly. Except its not because you are shy, but because that nasty bum is reacting to the winter. And now you want to scratch and only causing some hot and heavy action between your nails and buttcheeks will give you that pleasure. ARGH!
  6. Frozen Chocolate: You sinfully stare at it everyday, and finally give in. Lying there, inviting and seductive, you want to devour it. So you unwrap the little teasing pieces. And instead of melting in your mouth with abandon, they jauntily twirl around, holding on ferociously to its taste. Denying us pleasure. (Writer shall return with Kleenex)
  7. Jammed Drawers: Which have everything you will need in an emergency. Drawers will straddle the sides with such passion, its gut-wrenching to get it to loosen its hold. Still you need underwear and such behaviour by the heart-broken and horny drawer can simply not be tolerated.
  8. Memories: When they are happy, they will take it on themselves to do a Houdini. But if they are sad ones, they bounce with gay abandon in your head, just when you think it will be ok. And will linger there, till we acknowledge them and give them their due heaviness of heart.
  9. Pens: The ones next to the phones. Which will sit pretty when not in use. But when on a call that is costing the other person 3 meals, the pens will stubbornly refused to release ink from its insides. This often makes for interesting family activity in my house. May not be the case everywhere though.
  10. Weighing Scale: Mine suffers from OCD which causes it to stick to one number. There have been several conferences between my diets, fats, muscles and cellulite to convince this machine, but most of the suggestions have been vetoed. The fats even offered to leave. Being the adamant idiot that it is, it has turned a deaf ear to all of the above.

No comments: