Usually, I am not the one to complain against any kind of socializing. Online or otherwise. I see nothing wrong with keeping in touch with old friends, flames and seeing how they are doing occasionally. Its when we become celebrities due to this networking that it becomes a slight issue. For the ones who are slow or having a particularly taxing work day, I am talking about Facebook.
This voyeuristic networking website has caught everyone’s fancy. And aunt, uncle, Tommy and Pinky are logging on to socialize (even if aunt and uncle last stepped out of the house in the 40’s, Tommy cant get his underwear on right and Pinky is still wetting her bed with alarming regularity)Now, like I said lets not get judgmental. Basically, everyone enjoys the scenery while they take their ego trip.
Funny thing is, Facebook can also quickly send the ego hurtling down to the ankles. And have other socio-economic consequences. Let me explain with a list. Don’t shake your head, if you are reading this you know how fond I am of lists.
So, here goes:
Social ladder climbing front
So, everyone goes to everyone elses profile and furtively checks out how many friends they have. If they are friends and have more friends, jealousy pops its head and an immediate resolve is made to go out and socialize in the real world. If they are ex flames, you hope they dont have as many friends. A lot of gloating happens in the case you have some friends on your list who kept in touch with you and ignored your bitter half. If you don’t like them, and they have more friends, you murmur some expletives and wonder why people just add other people to their list when they have met for all of 3 mins in the urinal. Atleast that’s how you justify their popularity.
The war of the profile pics
They can be sexy, cute, naughty and disgusting. Some very cool people think putting up pics of the back of their head, their fingers or their nostrils or something as inane will improve their dismal social status. They are also mislead, by the schizophrenic voice in their head, that this will add some mystery to them and make them a chick magnet (or cock magnet, as the case may be). Personally, I think these guys attract more friend requests from barbers, cannibals and nose haircutting equipment salespeople. But, I could be wrong. Some people think the world needs to know their marital status and will put up pics of them, their family and grandparents and sometimes their neighbours (coz they could be the reason they have a family). Profile snaps with more than one person should be banned.
The status message scheming
So, everyone needs to know what you are doing at any time of the day. At work, eating, reading, pissing other people off with constant updates or whatever. Others, as is the case with blogs, will use big words, stupefying their friends and making a sentence that is completely incomprehensible. Others will put dots. Which I think is suppose to mean something. Others will say “is”. You would think you know that they exist, their updated facebook status evidence of that, but no, they will say it. Thanks, I guess, we were starting to think you “were”.
Celebrity pains
If you are on facebook, you might as well put up pics of yourself. Doing stuff. So, all your friends around the world know what you are upto, who you are hanging out with and how high your hemline was. Some unedited pics also reveal a lot more. But, that aside, I have realized pics on the website raise you to the status of semi-celebs. And while those guys have designers falling all over themselves to dress them, we have no one. Now, the pics are online, so everyone has seen us in some clothes. And no girl worth her fashion sense would wear the same clothes. Recession means we are all down to tattered panties, so buying new clothes isn’t an option. Whats a girl to do?
As anyone would do is such a fragile situation, I have found a solution to the issue. That would be to not put up pics.
I have obviously given this issue a lot of thought. And in the light of the options, I say we all go offline, into the real world and get a life.
Now, where was that sheep again?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Pricks
There are mild irritants, like flies and mosquitoes (has anyone figured out why we need these pesky blood suckers?) and then there are major irritants like other humans. It’s not them per se, it’s their ideas. And sometimes, it’s them. Actually, it’s mostly them. It irritates me that these people exist.
Point being, I am very bugged with somethings. And as always, it is imperative that I list these buggers out, for two reasons. First, because I love listing, as has been previously established and two, because my voice needs to be heard or seen. More because I like listing, just so we are clear on this.
Bugger 1- The permanent hard-oned moral police
Seriously, these sick fuckers have their heads so up their asses, all they can see is shit. And slowly, every city in India seems to have these beasts roaming freely on the streets. And it pisses me off that they think they are the watchdogs of “Indian culture.” Culture, is about values and respecting traditions. It’s not about what you wear or where you go. Or about what you eat. We don’t have to go around touching every leery uncle’s feet and wear saris to prove we are Indian. So, fuck you guys. I am sending you guys an extra-pink chaddi.
Bugger 2 ¬ The Luser
Which is the very long word user. Some blogs I visit (not regularly, very taxing) or happen to stumble upon leave me missing my dictionary with acute longing. The blogger is clearly catering to a niche audience (by niche i mean the ones who were forced by parents to eat a dictionary and other abused people.) They use words like tantamount. They use my entire vocab in one sentence. Who reads these blogs? And why?
Bugger 3 – The half-empty glassers
Yes, its recession. The freshly unemployed are looking deranged, the employed are staring furtively at the unemployed and effectively, everyone is worried shitless. At this point, I think a good plan is parking your ass at work, spending less time staring at your colleague’s tits and pushing yourself to the point where you are getting some work done, like getting a whole word document typed. But, then come sauntering along the smug employed. Mostly found in a hysterical state, these guys will tell anyone who is listening (or not) about how they heard about several thousand people getting the kick, about how some people cant get their two-year old obese child medication and junk food and how his wife is now poor and cant afford that Prada bag. The SE is will also drown out any voice of sanity that may as much as imply that things aren’t as bad as they look. They look at you with pity when you say rumours are making the whole situation more grim. They stare at you, clucking at your stupidity and wonder loudly if you are functioning in an alternate reality. Seriously, talking about this isn’t going to make it go away or make it better. It’s ok. You live through this, just like you live through everything else.
Phew! It feels good to vent. So, its that bad, huh?
Point being, I am very bugged with somethings. And as always, it is imperative that I list these buggers out, for two reasons. First, because I love listing, as has been previously established and two, because my voice needs to be heard or seen. More because I like listing, just so we are clear on this.
Bugger 1- The permanent hard-oned moral police
Seriously, these sick fuckers have their heads so up their asses, all they can see is shit. And slowly, every city in India seems to have these beasts roaming freely on the streets. And it pisses me off that they think they are the watchdogs of “Indian culture.” Culture, is about values and respecting traditions. It’s not about what you wear or where you go. Or about what you eat. We don’t have to go around touching every leery uncle’s feet and wear saris to prove we are Indian. So, fuck you guys. I am sending you guys an extra-pink chaddi.
Bugger 2 ¬ The Luser
Which is the very long word user. Some blogs I visit (not regularly, very taxing) or happen to stumble upon leave me missing my dictionary with acute longing. The blogger is clearly catering to a niche audience (by niche i mean the ones who were forced by parents to eat a dictionary and other abused people.) They use words like tantamount. They use my entire vocab in one sentence. Who reads these blogs? And why?
Bugger 3 – The half-empty glassers
Yes, its recession. The freshly unemployed are looking deranged, the employed are staring furtively at the unemployed and effectively, everyone is worried shitless. At this point, I think a good plan is parking your ass at work, spending less time staring at your colleague’s tits and pushing yourself to the point where you are getting some work done, like getting a whole word document typed. But, then come sauntering along the smug employed. Mostly found in a hysterical state, these guys will tell anyone who is listening (or not) about how they heard about several thousand people getting the kick, about how some people cant get their two-year old obese child medication and junk food and how his wife is now poor and cant afford that Prada bag. The SE is will also drown out any voice of sanity that may as much as imply that things aren’t as bad as they look. They look at you with pity when you say rumours are making the whole situation more grim. They stare at you, clucking at your stupidity and wonder loudly if you are functioning in an alternate reality. Seriously, talking about this isn’t going to make it go away or make it better. It’s ok. You live through this, just like you live through everything else.
Phew! It feels good to vent. So, its that bad, huh?
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