Uncomfortably numb

Its touted as the biggest thing to happen to cricket since Don Bradman (ok, slightly exaggerated there). Its got the moolah , the angelic bouncing women who cellulite gave a miss, and its definitely got my attention. Its the IPL. And every cricket fan worth anything has his/her ass growing roots into the couch, their eyeballs fatally attracted to the idiot box.

Gone are the good ol' days when I could simply jiggle away stupidly at every Team India victory. I knew where my loyalties lay. Every wicket celebrated with enough noise to cause permanent hearing loss. Every boundary causing enough frenzied dancing to cause a couple of hundred calories to scurry away.

Then crept in defiance to the BCCI and the ICL was born. And it might as well have been still-born. Avalanching into cricket history came the IPL. Taking the crtitcs, nay-sayers and thankfully anally righteous spirit-of-the-game people out of the way. Every cricketer now came with a price tag.
Ill take one Yuvraj Singh to go please. With whipped cream? Sure, all the add-ons.

Now comes the bitch of it all. Since Mr. Gandhi did his bit in 1947, we Indians have tried to ride out the 'regional' war. We are all together. We are all one nation. Unity in diversity. etc.
Come IPL, and we go back to our parasitic ability to feed off our love for our city.In my case, it isnt that simple. Oh, I love Mumbai and how. But I also love a certain star. And how. With my ass gradually getting embossed with the fence print, I am unable to decide who to cry hoarse for. Or who to throw juicy familial abuses at. Couple that with my patriotism, and my emotions are panting with exhaustion.

To watch Dravid celebrate a Sachin wicket would leave me in anguish. Or Ishant high-five at a Dhoni wicket. And with other people, from another country. The ones who dont sing for the tricolour. Or eat with their fingers. Some use tissues in their loos. Is there no stopping this madness?

When Chak De India is belted out, my eyes moisten and tiny hair stand up in absolute respect for my country. IPL cant do that to me. But, it can get me torn. I bet ill be a scene when the Kolkatta Knightriders play the Mumbai Indians.

You joining me on the fence?